Works of extreme fiction

I know, this is the second off topic posting in a row, I’m sorry, but this is just too good. Now the back story to this is pretty horrible: Michael Vick the Atlanta Falcons quarter back is facing federal charges relating to alleged involvement in dog fighting and faces six years in jail along with a $350,000 fine. Assuming that these charges are upheld, lets hope he gets all that is coming to him. And this is the thing; in a act of untold karmic proportions Jonathan Lee Riches, an inmate at the Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in South Carolina has just filed a $63bn lawsuit against Vick alleging that he stole two white pitbull terriers from him for use in the dogfights before selling them on ebay. It gets better. According to Riches, the proceeds from the sale were then used to purchase missiles from the Iranian government as a result of Vick’s pledge of allegiance to al-Qaida on the 10th February (damaged goods surely, how did he raise enough for a missile?).

And…Riches is also claiming that Vick stole his identity and used it to sell branded merchandise bearing his name. The $63bn “backed by silver and gold” is then to be delivered by UPS to the front gates of the Correctional Facility. It is worth mentioning at this point that Riches is there is as a result of wire fraud. And whilst he is obviously not very good at it, he is at least a sensitive soul; he ends his claim against Vick thus: “Michael Vick needs to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes.”

I don’t know what Riches inspiration was to concoct such an elaborate claim - Dr Evil? Hans Gruber from Die Hard? – but I for one am impressed by the richness of the mans imagination and have a renewed faith in magic realism. The Schadenfreude to be gained from this is immense.

A link to the full lawsuit is here. Handwritten naturally. And I promise this will be the last time I ever link to the Fox News webiste.